. wecommitted genocide on the Dilgar, even if we didn'tmean to."I don't know what children think when adults arereliving pain in their mind, when we pause in such astory. I am seeing the Dilgar cruiser on my targetingcomputer, feeling my dry throat and sour mouth as Ipress the fire button, watching the volley ofsuperheated helium spheres speed toward thecrippled ship... watching it drift apart after the silentflash of light. I know I did my part in that genocide,and that's the kind of thing that stays with you.I clear my head."It was silly, in a way. Your father had this secret, buthe couldn't bring himself to act on it. He wasashamed, and instead of trying to face that, he lookedfor a way to die with honor. His peers saw him asfearless. But... like I said, he wasn't fearless. He justfeared death less than he feared his secret. I guessthere are a lot of guys like that in the military. Yourfather spent the next twelve years aboard starships,working his way up the command. . Look, I just don't know quite how tosay this..." Go on," I responded, part of me not really wanting him to."I... Well, I think I had a wet dream," he said, turning to face me witha pained expression on his face, the evidence of my indiscretion coveringthe front of his boxers in thick white globules. "I mean, I woke upcovered in... this, with a raging hard-on and all sorts of dirty thoughtsrunning through my head, so..."I knew I should tell him the truth, but I just couldn't. What if hedidn't react well? Despite all our time together I had absolutely noidea what his feelings were on gays, but I did know his parents werecard-carrying, Palin-worshipping, Christian Republicans and what thatmeant for THEIR probable feelings. Nick had always seemed a lot morelaid back than all that, and I knew he had no interest in going tochurch, but how could I know for sure what that meant for our situation?I faked a giggle at his discomfort, feeling it all the more intenselymyself, and he turned.
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